In yesterday’s New
York Times, David Brooks writes about “Love and Merit” in a column
describing child-rearing in the 21st century.
Brooks talks about two essential features of parenting
today: unprecedented praise and
unprecedented “honing.” He seems to be
okay with the first part, in spite of the overused mantra that each child is
special.
But he sees today’s anxious parental pressure as a kind of
merit-based honing for success that belies the illusion of unconditional love. Acknowledging that this pressure is intended
to promote the child’s happiness in the future, Brooks fears that children who
don’t excel in the classroom or on the field are left feeling somehow unworthy
and perhaps unlovable. And while
manipulation of behavior may bring short-term results, the effect over the long
run makes children risk-averse and insecure.
It wasn’t all that much different back when we were raising
children. But in today’s winner-takes-all
economy, parents are more anxious than ever about whether their children could
fall through the cracks.
It’s worth keeping in mind that the effort to manipulate
children towards success runs the risk of doing more harm than good in the long
run.
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