Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking

America’s love affair with extroverts began in the early part of the 20^th century, when people like Dale Carnegie impressed upon our parents the importance of winning friends and influencing people in order to be successful. 

But our cultural preference for extroversion was not always a part of our national psyche.  In the 19^th century, America judged leadership potential the same way many countries do today – on the basis of integrity, judgment, reliability and intelligence.

The emerging growth cultures of Asia are not the only places in the world today puzzled by the America’s continuing obsession with popularity and by our insistence upon turning over most of our elective offices, executive management positions and financial control to people who would rather talk than listen, who make quick decisions based on gut instinct and who prefer risk to contemplation.

Susan Cain’s defense of introverts, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking weaves together research and personal anecdotes to make a case for taking a second look at the value brought to relationships and organizations by our quieter, more sensitive citizens.

She challenges the corporate focus on team building, open space offices and endless meetings, recounting histories of influential leaders who had a preference to work alone and in quiet.  She is surprised that scarcely an introvert is to be found on the hallowed grounds of Harvard Business School and wonders whether Enron or the economic collapse of the housing market would have happened if the investment banks had put in positions of responsibility fewer talkers and more thinkers.

 Ms. Cain’s chapter on raising sensitive children provides useful guidance to parents of children who don’t easily adjust to the forced extroversion of years of schooling in an environment better suited to outgoing personalities.

I’m not generally a fan of self-help books or psychological non-fiction.  I listened to the audio version of this book while running errands.  But Susan Cain is insightful and perceptive, and this book is worth reading.  

August Special!

The first 25 people to purchase a copy of One Summer in Arkansas from Amazon.com during the month of August will receive an additional, signed copy of the novel delivered to the recipient of your choice. Not only will you end the summer with a great read, you will be able to share an amazing story with a friend or family member at no charge! Simply email your date of purchase on Amazon along with the name and address of the gift recipient to Marciakempsterling@sonic.net and we'll mail a signed copy of One Summer in Arkansas to the book lover of your choice! Happy Reading!

Summertime

Summer is the season for family and vacation, so my focus on selling books has been set aside for the moment.

I’m on a flight back to the Bay Area after a week in Boston for our annual Uniform Law Conference.  Since Nat is a commissioner and has to be there, he booked a flight, while I’m travelling standby, one of the perks associated with having a pilot in the family.  Note to parents:  Make sure that at least one of your kids pursues a career flying for a commercial airline. 

Our speaker at the ULF dinner this year was Doris Kearns Goodwin, discussing the Lincoln presidency, a topic of much interest to our conference of lawyers.

We arrive home with only a week to prepare for Cousin Camp, the annual gathering of our clan when our children and grandchildren make their way to Palo Alto from all over the world.  It’s always interesting to have 22 people in your house for a week, but this year will be special, culminating in Deb and Steve’s wedding in the backyard.  Arts and crafts at Cousin Camp will be devoted entirely to wedding decorations this year.

All five granddaughters will participate in the ceremony, providing a charming pink backdrop for our beautiful bride.

Mental Illness and Violence

Last week we went over to Stanford to hear a discussion on mental illness and crime co-sponsored by the law school and the medical school.

Our society faces increasing pressure from a growing number of mentally ill people, many manifesting a lethal blend of mental disorder and addiction and either living on the streets or filling up our jails.

For me, the discussion at Stanford raised more questions than it answered.

In the same way that our educators are learning that every kid has “special needs” associated with his unique way of learning, is it possible that most human beings have unique mental issues, some of which are at odds with societal expectations?

Is it possible that most criminal acts (not just the typical over-the-top acts of violence) reflect a breakdown of mental process, whether it’s impulse control, ability to link action to outcome, fear, anger, anxiety or delusion?

How does the legal system distinguish between the insanity defense for a crime (inability to understand the consequences, right from wrong, etc.) from terrorism (an erroneous belief that an act will be rewarded in heaven)?

Of course, at the end of the day, the extent to which the legal system accommodates to psychiatrically-defined mental illness depends on how a legislature views the goals of criminal punishment:

            Getting a dangerous person off the streets?

            Making a role model out of him so someone else won’t do the same thing?

            Rehabilitating him so that he can become a useful citizen?

            Making him pay for what he did?

I don’t have any answers, but I think there is a problem.  Most mentally ill people do not commit crimes.  Our society has decided we should not institutionalize people against their will if they are not an immediate threat.  But leaving people to live on the streets is not a great solution.

Living on Bagram Air Field in Afghanistan

My good friend and today’s guest blogger, Nancy Glaser, Senior Economic Advisor for USAID, tells about everyday life at Bagram Air Field in Afghanistan

One of the most interesting experiences I never anticipated was being assigned to live and work on Bagram Air Field for my 12 month tour of duty with USAID in Afghanistan.

When I arrived here on June 20^th, 2012 I was amazed by the vastness of the physical space as well as the number of people living and working here. Of the estimated 30,000, the U.S. military makes up the majority (the “green suiters”) of which 90% are male.

Bagram is located in the “high desert” (5,000 feet high) and it is dusty, especially in the summer which requires wearing glasses 24 hours a day.

Our housing consists of living in my personal “hooch”, an 8’by 20’ metal “dry” container. Our shower and bathroom facilities are in a separate building which we share with female military and civilians. We live on the flight line and air craft are taking off and landing 24 hours a day. This includes helicopters all the way up to the Boeing B-17. Wearing ear plugs to sleep at night is recommended. We have TV and internet access. 

We civilians are embedded with the military both at work and other activities. We all eat together in the DFAC (Dining Facility) where up to 1,500 people eat together. The food is amazingly  good and there is a good variety for every palette including vegetarians.

There is a “spa” on Bagram that offers hair and nail services as well as massages. The women who work there are all from Kyrgyzstan and speak Russian. They do a very nice job at very good prices (shampoo, cut, and blow dry costs only $14).

I get “out” about every other week to visit provincial governors, line directors and business men. My position as RC East Senior Economic Advisor for USAID is to promote private sector development. This is not the easiest job in a war zone, but some progress is made day by day. I travel by MRAP, “fixed” wing small Beechcraft planes or helicopters. We are always accompanied by military and military police. I actually feel safe traveling this way.

Sometimes I feel like I am in a movie.

Mother's Day

As Mother’s Day approaches, I am of course reminded of my own mother, who died way too young, almost 50 years ago.

Now that our children are grown, this holiday for us is mainly about the bird’s eye view of parenting that comes from watching them raise their own kids.  I’m sure there will be many cards and hand-crafted treasures bestowed on the young mothers in our family on Sunday.

Billy Collins’ incomparable “The Lanyard” comes to mind:

       She nursed me in many a sick room,
       lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
       laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
       and then led me out into the airy light

      And taught me to walk and swim,
      and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.

The real giving, with all its obsessive fretting and pride and hope, flows down and down to the next generation.  Among my loveliest memories are the faces of our children watching their children walk and run and dance, with so much amazement at each miraculous stage of growth in these young lives they brought into being.

They are so busy, these young mothers, and you wish you could somehow will them to slow down, to savor it, to forget about rushing out the door to buy the next birthday toy for the classmate. 

Life is long but childhood is short.

Happy Mother’s Day, one and all!