A Beginning for the New Year

For the last 15 years we’ve spent New Year’s Eve weekend at a small retreat held at Asilomar on the Monterey Peninsula, just up the road from Spanish Bay.  The Ano Nuevo retreat was started by a local couple who didn’t care for New Year’s Eve parties but did enjoy conversations around a fireplace on issues that matter.

There are walks along the sand dunes under the bright California sun as waves shatter onto the rocks and deer nibble grasses under the pines, followed by fireplace chats among friends that lend a new perspective on issues that affect all of us.

This year I moderated a discussion on the subject of how to keep growing physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually during the retirement years.

Like every other phase of life (raising children, establishing yourself in your profession), success in the retirement years requires strategy and new skills.  While it’s a relief to own your own time and escape the pressures of work, we need to keep trying new things to maximize our enjoyment and vibrancy during this phase of life.

Using the work of Martin Seligman to frame the discussion, we talked about the three elements of a life of well-being:  (1) positive emotion, (2) engagement and (3) meaning.  The last two are key elements for seniors.

Seligman talks about engagement as “being in the flow,” i.e., when you are so wrapped up in what you are doing that you lose sense of time.  If asked, you couldn’t say whether you were happy or not because you were so completely engrossed.  This “flow” is triggered by different things for each of us.  Seligman talks about it as using your greatest talent in the face of your greatest challenge.

His third element, leading a life of meaning, may involve devoting yourself to a higher cause, a relationship or establishment of community.  We talked about the difficulty of finding community in our busy American culture where friends no longer drop by unannounced and we’re pulled in a million directions.

We talked about hanging onto the wonder a child feels and the joy of anticipation which can fade when you’ve done so much and been so many places.  We also talked about the resiliency some people have when facing illness and loss and where that reserve of positive energy comes from.

We always come away from Asilomar refreshed and looking forward to the year ahead.

On Being a Writer

After “many a slip twixt the cup and the lip,” my novel One Summer in Arkansas is published and in the hands of a number of readers, some of whom I don’t even know.  It’s enormously exciting and gratifying (thank you, thank you, book buyers) but at the same time the oddest feeling to have people wandering around inside your head, finding meaning in your random thoughts and ramblings.

I started to think seriously about writing when my voice disorder – spasmodic dysphonia – became troublesome enough to get in the way of my lawyering.  Not that I’m so young, but I felt I had to retire too early -- before I was done saying what I had to say.

I wasn’t sure I could put together a cohesive story and by now there’s too much emotional sunk cost there for me to have any idea whether it’s any good or not.

I must say, though, there are two aspects of writing that have been hugely gratifying.  Blogging has been a good outlet for me and I expect it’s something I will continue to do.  It suits my personality to have a little to say about a lot of things and not have to defend my position to anybody.

The other thing about producing this book (and maybe it’s more about publishing it than writing it) is that it really is an entrepreneurial undertaking.  Most of the jobs I’ve done in my life have been safe – safe in the sense that the positions were backed up by a lot of credentials and expertise that wasn’t so easy to come by, and therefore pretty secure.  Writing a book and trying to sell it is anything but safe.  God knows, it’s no way to make money.  The industry is in great turmoil and it’s as wide open as the Wild West, with ebooks and self-publishing and bookstores closing down and Amazon owning the world.

It’s not at all clear that the best work gets read or appreciated and chaos is rampant.  But I’ve had fun creating something from whole cloth and trying to figure out a way to get it out there into the world.  I’m proud of my book and grateful to so many of you who have been kind and supportive of this venture.

Michael Lerner in Praise of the American People

I discovered Rabbi Michael Lerner five years ago when he was promoting his book The Left Hand of God on NPR.  The book came out at a time when the Religious Right was in its ascendency and progressive churchgoers were silent.  Being suspicious of orthodoxy and drawn to contrarians who embrace ideas out of line with their own party, I subscribed to Lerner’s magazine Tikkun and have followed him ever since.

Lerner’s article “In Praise of the American People” is featured on the home page of today’s Huffington Post.

In his post-election analysis, Lerner makes the case that the Republican Party erred in its effort to rally its base against the “other” in our society (the immigrants, the gays, the big government freeloaders, the urban elitists), especially in light of the off-line acknowledgement that such “others” constituted 47% of the population.

At the same time, he rails against Left-wing religiophobia that assumes anyone who believes in God is intellectually stunted, pathologically in need of a father-figure or otherwise unenlightened.

Lerner’s take-away from the election is that the American people are not so locked into their personal financial self-interest as the pundits think.  Sure, we care about jobs and financial security.  But Lerner believes the longing for “a politics of meaning” is stronger than the politicians understand.

“Turns out that Americans, like everyone else on the planet,” says Lerner, “are willing to sacrifice material well-being to serve higher ethical goals, if they think others are willing to do the same.  They are just as hungry for a life, a social order, a family and a community that have some higher meaning…as they are for material economic security.”  

This is a truth about the American character that seems to have eluded the funders of Super-Pacs and the high-priced marketing experts who specialize in negative ads.

What Makes a State Red or Blue?

The post-election punditry is laced with red and blue maps, showing voter preference by state and county.  I’ve started to wonder why it is that the south is so consistently red and the coasts so consistently blue.  What is it about where we live that is so predictive of political preferences?

This was confirmed for me at a recent family wedding.  My siblings and I are divided roughly 50-50 between Democrat and Republican (which, by the way, doesn’t necessarily lead to cordial chatter over cocktails a month before a presidential election).  The family is spread out all over the country now and, while our political parties of choice aren’t perfectly aligned with where we live, the correlation is pretty high.  And yet we were raised in the same house with the same values, all well-educated professionals with similar economic self-interests, and roots in Arkansas.

It’s easy to see how someone who is very poor or a recent immigrant or gay might choose one political party over the other.  There are some real differences in the impact of party platforms on these groups.  But geographic voting patterns are a little harder to explain.  There are poor people and rich people in both Arkansas and California.

There’s no question but that we are influenced by the values and preferences of our friends and neighbors.  And there are some historic reasons for certain regions of the country to have become dominated by one political party or the other.

Democrats like to watch MSNBC and Republicans like to watch Fox because we want to hear from people who affirm what we already believe.  It’s disturbing to listen to the other side’s point of view.  Nobody wants to second guess their own beliefs.

They say more of us are in the middle than at the extremes, and I believe that’s true even though you wouldn’t think so based on what we hear in the news.  If we had four or five active political parties, the way they do in Europe, I think we would be less likely to fall into these polarized camps.

Let’s hope our elected representatives can leave behind their red or blue identifiers in the weeks ahead and find a rational compromise that will avoid the “fiscal cliff” and give the economy a boost.

Demand Courage from Politicians Right and Left

Whoever wins tomorrow’s election, let’s hope they will have the courage to lead the country towards economic solutions that will make better lives for our children and grandchildren.

Neither political party has been courageous enough to demand the sacrifices necessary to cut the deficit and generate renewed economic growth.  They believe we wouldn’t elect them if they told us the truth.

Democrats:  Tell us the hard truth that we have to give up some of our retirement and health care benefits so that something is left for the kids.

Republicans:  Tell us the hard truth that we must pay more in taxes to keep our social structure healthy enough to create a prosperous future for our kids.

It is cowardly of politicians to pander to our self-interest.  It is immoral to ask our legislators to sign oaths not to raise taxes, as if our social contract to one another were a dirty word.  It is deceptive to pander to the demands of special interests who tack on never-ending entitlement costs as if it were our God-given right to live forever.

We can deal with a little hardship, at least if we feel the burden is fairly distributed and our limited resources are being managed carefully.

Tell us the truth.  Tell us what we must sacrifice for the common good.

On Hurricanes and Books

We've been without power for several days here in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania where I'm visiting children and grandchildren.  Hurricane Sandy hit a day after I arrived and after the storm ripped dozens of tiles off the roof and took down half the trees in the neighborhood, we're still without power and I'm still trying to get back to California.

The timing is not great since my novel is in the final stages of production and I have a million things I need to be doing in terms of distribution, marketing and approvals.

This is the first day we've had connectivity, tv or showers, thanks to power being restored at Bill's parents' house in Allentown.

Still, with all the inconvenience, we're safe and the time we've had together has been unforgettable.  No school. Long days of cards and other games.  Catch-as-catch-can meals with whatever has just thawed in the ever-warming freezer.  Evenings by flashlight in front of the gas fireplace, making up stories, reading poems and play acting the part of local weatherman.

Truth be told, I needed a break from publication of the book.  All that excitement will come soon enough.  I expect you'll be able to get One Summer in Arkansas from me or my website or from amazon before the end of November.  It may take a couple more weeks before your local bookstore can get it.  But it doesn't hurt to ask.